marlier.proFamily Therapy
October 31, 2003
Let's take a family of five, Rosa, the grand-mother, her daughter Betty, Betty's husband, John, and their two children, Laura, 12, and Bob, 9. I am going to give an example of five concepts of Family Therapy applied to this family.
A family is a social system governed by rules or boundaries. A family is healthy when it functions based on flexible, appropriate family rules and roles. "Parents learn rules from their own families-of-origin and may pass these down to their own children." (Maki-Banmen) When the rules and roles are dysfunctional, the family system is also dysfunctional. The goal of family therapy is then to restore constructive and flexible family rules and roles.
Both Betty and John work full time. The children go to school and when they leave school in the afternoon, it is agreed that they go to their grand-mother's for the rest of the day until they parents come back home from work. One example of family rules is the fact that the children must go direct from school to their grand-mother's house. This is a kind of reassurance for everyone: the grand-ma knows when to expect them, the parents have peace of mind while they're at work, the kids are secure. If one day the kids decide to go to the mall without warning instead of heading to their grand-ma's, then it's a whole balance which will be troubled because they are breaking a family rule. Thus "Family obligations, rights and relationships can be reinforced or challenged during conflicts. Family members reveal how they feel and what they expect from others." (Vuchinich) In fact, family rules or boundaries have to change to adjust to the evolution of roles and relationships between family members. Here, for instance, as the children grow older, they will be given more rights in their free time.
The family paradigm can be compared to a kind of family culture, how the family as a whole sees the outer world, its environment. It is not fixed but can change as the family adapts to change. For instance, it is the way a family as a whole appreciates a crisis. And it is because the paradigm can change that the family can stay healthy.
In this family, if one of the parents looses his/her job, the family income will drop drastically, they may have to sell their house, move to a less expensive area, etc. This is an occasion for the family to show cohesion instead of falling apart, to view the situation with one eye. They won't consider the world with the same eyes as before before something in the family will have changed.
A facade of family harmony that gives the appearance of an open and satisfying relationship that does not truly exist. A family member might claim that their situation is wonderful, and that they love the other members, while simply radiating hatred, disgust, or despair.
If John and Betty no longer get along well with each other, but they don't quarrel and even fake fondness in front of the children and the grand-mother or in social events this is pseudomutuality (conscious or unconscious).
Facades constant conflict and alienation among family members.
Family members would claim to hate one another, attacking each other time and again, saying that the other family member was causing them terrible pain; but they would refuse, repeatedly, staunchly, despite all kinds of persuasion and "therapy" to leave or change the situation in any way.
After one of the parents has lost his/her job, the other one makes constant reproaches about the lack of money and how he/she works harder to support the family.
Mystification is a way of masking or disguising what is taking place between family members. Mystification refers to a process that occurs when one or more members of an organization fail to understand the meaning and or purpose of a communication from another member, usually a leader. Similarly to the other concepts explained here, this can take place in any organization, not only in families. The communication is often deliberately vague and made vague in order often places the mystified person in a "one-down" position, which disempowers them and fails to produce a clear message.
Here is a very simple and common example of mystification: Rosa will say to her grand-son Bob: "Eat your spinachs, you loved spinachs", while Bob knows very well that he does not like spinachs. An expert in mystification can use it on every occasion, make you wonder if you are sane, and imbalance you.
Blaming a person for something in order to divert attention from the real situation.
Bob is a nice little boy, full of life, one might even say turbulent. He once broke a glass and now he is the one who's always at least suspected, sometimes blamed, for any damage to goods inside the house. A vase is broken and Bob is grounded. No one bothers to search for the real culprit - in this case the cleaning lady, whom Betty would not want to fire because she needs her. This situation is very frequent (I know from personal experience) in families with step-parents and step-children. A step-parent will most likely readily accuse his step-child even for fictive actions rather than anyone else in the family.
A family is a social system and, as a social system, it functions with its own rules. Many situations found in a family system can be found in a school or any other community.
October 31, 2003
Let's take a family of five, Rosa, the grand-mother, her daughter Betty, Betty's husband, John, and their two children, Laura, 12, and Bob, 9. I am going to give an example of five concepts of Family Therapy applied to this family.
A family is a social system governed by rules or boundaries. A family is healthy when it functions based on flexible, appropriate family rules and roles. "Parents learn rules from their own families-of-origin and may pass these down to their own children." (Maki-Banmen) When the rules and roles are dysfunctional, the family system is also dysfunctional. The goal of family therapy is then to restore constructive and flexible family rules and roles.
Both Betty and John work full time. The children go to school and when they leave school in the afternoon, it is agreed that they go to their grand-mother's for the rest of the day until they parents come back home from work. One example of family rules is the fact that the children must go direct from school to their grand-mother's house. This is a kind of reassurance for everyone: the grand-ma knows when to expect them, the parents have peace of mind while they're at work, the kids are secure. If one day the kids decide to go to the mall without warning instead of heading to their grand-ma's, then it's a whole balance which will be troubled because they are breaking a family rule. Thus "Family obligations, rights and relationships can be reinforced or challenged during conflicts. Family members reveal how they feel and what they expect from others." (Vuchinich) In fact, family rules or boundaries have to change to adjust to the evolution of roles and relationships between family members. Here, for instance, as the children grow older, they will be given more rights in their free time.
The family paradigm can be compared to a kind of family culture, how the family as a whole sees the outer world, its environment. It is not fixed but can change as the family adapts to change. For instance, it is the way a family as a whole appreciates a crisis. And it is because the paradigm can change that the family can stay healthy.
In this family, if one of the parents looses his/her job, the family income will drop drastically, they may have to sell their house, move to a less expensive area, etc. This is an occasion for the family to show cohesion instead of falling apart, to view the situation with one eye. They won't consider the world with the same eyes as before before something in the family will have changed.
A facade of family harmony that gives the appearance of an open and satisfying relationship that does not truly exist. A family member might claim that their situation is wonderful, and that they love the other members, while simply radiating hatred, disgust, or despair.
If John and Betty no longer get along well with each other, but they don't quarrel and even fake fondness in front of the children and the grand-mother or in social events this is pseudomutuality (conscious or unconscious).
Facades constant conflict and alienation among family members.
Family members would claim to hate one another, attacking each other time and again, saying that the other family member was causing them terrible pain; but they would refuse, repeatedly, staunchly, despite all kinds of persuasion and "therapy" to leave or change the situation in any way.
After one of the parents has lost his/her job, the other one makes constant reproaches about the lack of money and how he/she works harder to support the family.
Mystification is a way of masking or disguising what is taking place between family members. Mystification refers to a process that occurs when one or more members of an organization fail to understand the meaning and or purpose of a communication from another member, usually a leader. Similarly to the other concepts explained here, this can take place in any organization, not only in families. The communication is often deliberately vague and made vague in order often places the mystified person in a "one-down" position, which disempowers them and fails to produce a clear message.
Here is a very simple and common example of mystification: Rosa will say to her grand-son Bob: "Eat your spinachs, you loved spinachs", while Bob knows very well that he does not like spinachs. An expert in mystification can use it on every occasion, make you wonder if you are sane, and imbalance you.
Blaming a person for something in order to divert attention from the real situation.
Bob is a nice little boy, full of life, one might even say turbulent. He once broke a glass and now he is the one who's always at least suspected, sometimes blamed, for any damage to goods inside the house. A vase is broken and Bob is grounded. No one bothers to search for the real culprit - in this case the cleaning lady, whom Betty would not want to fire because she needs her. This situation is very frequent (I know from personal experience) in families with step-parents and step-children. A step-parent will most likely readily accuse his step-child even for fictive actions rather than anyone else in the family.
A family is a social system and, as a social system, it functions with its own rules. Many situations found in a family system can be found in a school or any other community.
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